Yeah, well, this article is actually an incentive from my soul. I never planned to reveal as much about myself as I’m going to do now because I thought that a) people wouldn’t believe me at all, b) if they did they’d come up with reasons why I don’t belong anywhere, or c) simply pity me.
My soul however made it obvious to me (starting a few days ago) that daring to be more outgoing and standing up for who I am was the way to let my loves and my soul family fully into my life. This is how the idea to this article was born.
Who am I? you might be wondering.
For a long time I thought that was obviously the ‘me’, the person who wore a name that sounded at least somewhat like I ‘belonged’ to the society and country (Germany) I was living in at the time (and still do to a certain extent). Looking back, and also from time to time, I always had a sense of ‘something wasn’t quite right’. Something just didn’t really fit the picture of who I was ‘supposed to be’ but I couldn’t really tell ‘why’ or ‘how’ when asked. All I knew for sure was that German never felt like my native language and the family I was, let’s call it ‘staying’ with, had always made me feel like I was the visitor child, the one who was brought to replace something lost but was still never truly accepted. (I later found out I was ‘replacing’ their deceased daughter.)
The one language that had always felt like a native language to me was English, later, when I started to learn Japanese it clicked with me in a way only English had previously. I’ve always felt drawn to British English, and I’ve recently found out that wasn’t so far off because I’ve been born in Scotland. On the Shetland Islands. And yes, a lot of that is still blurry but I’ve also remembered a lot thanks to a very special someone who was already part of my soul family at the time and who is now one of my loves. She helped me fill in most of the gaps during our time together as children and also helped me remember other parts of my childhood that got lost (because I myself had lost a lot), together with our love. (Yes, we’re three people in a romantic relationship with each other.) As my memories returned it also turned out I had spent some time with my blood related family in Finland (I think it was about a year), where I met more members of my soul family (I’ve faced my demons! Believe it, we live as we dream!) but also lost a lot again. My entire world too. Including my identity.
As you might imagine I struggled a lot in life. And like most I went for all the securities. ‘Securities’ included for me also to believe in what others told me and to always think or believe that others and their opinion were always right and I never was. A lot of people told me that I ‘was’ the name that is printed on my ID card. Even now some of my friends have problems believing me, but I’ve realised, also thanks to my own awakening process, that they don’t struggle with me but with their own fears and unconsciousness.
I also call this awakening process the ‘ascension of soul’ because it’s about shedding old, outdated fears and believe systems to realise your Divinity, your Oneness with the entirety of existence, because truly everything and everyone are linked with each other. I’ve already had some experiences where I experienced this for myself and I find myself more and more feeling my soul within me and feeling how I’m connected to the Universe, to Source itself. Some of the signs I receive daily point to my rebirth being near! 🙂
Looking back now I’ve always had moments where I was awakening from my dream of life, sometimes these moments ‘lasted’ longer, sometimes they were fleeting glimpses because I still carried lots of fear and negativity with me at the time. The one point where my awakening process has started (and hasn’t stopped since) was in summer 2014 where I ran into an anime that interested me. When I later started reading the manga (around Easter 2015; it’s called D.Gray Man), I found that a) I like the manga more (the author is one hell of a storyteller!) and b) it hit very close to home in many areas, and still continues to do so, all the while helping me connect to my loves. Because I found that opening up to love is an inside journey. And yes, this universe is love. So if you open up to unconditional love, you also open up to the universe and your deepest core self.
Another crucial point in my awakening process was in 2017, when I started reading a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. That really helped me go deeper within and dare do things I normally wouldn’t have done without outside help, like opening up to being. For longer than just a ‘short’ moment. (‘Short’ because time, like fear, is an illusion.) Once again I received help in the form of this book to open myself up to my true self and ultimately my loves (and also to very important parts of my soul family as I later found out). And because I opened up more inside, I finally recognised my loves for who they are, which triggered my speed ascension in March this year. Ever since we’ve been exploring more about my true self, also with the help of spiritual teachers who’ve helped me and us really by showing me ways to clear out my energies through their work. Thank you!
When you’ve read this far, you’ll probably understand now why I was hesitant to link to my ebook called ”Silence” in this earlier post, or why I didn’t tell you the title directly. Truth is, I was scared about what people might do if they found out the name given as the author’s name sounds a bit German. Add to this that I still legally haven’t become myself yet, because I first got to find the members of my blood related family who aren’t dead, and who still care enough about me that they’d want to see me again. And, I’d be happy if I could somehow become a part of your life again. (If you’re reading this: I use a shortened version of my name in the header).
To be honest I’m still scared while writing these lines, but I’ve also found out that the only way out of pain is staying in the Now which automatically brings you in alignment with your soul. No matter what it is, trust your soul! It’s got access to a wisdom much greater than the human mind could ever conceive.
You can buy the 1st edition of my ebook “Silence” here (UK) and here (US).
You can also just say ‘hi’ or drop a comment below! I’d love to hear from you!
If you’ve gone or are going through an awakening process as well, what are your experiences?
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Marianne Walker 