To be who I am

Have you ever wondered how it feels like? To be who you are?

Recently I wondered what I’d like to do in life and what I’ll showcase on this blog and on the Internet. While doing this one thing stood out for me that I hadn’t noticed, but now realised I had done before. I wanted to try to convince the world that I belong to my core soul family before I dared deepening the relationship between us seven by thinking about putting covers online and proving to the world that I, as a violinist and double bassist, was a good enough player to have a right to be with my amazing core soul family. When I realised that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I also realised that I don’t want to cover songs because I find it much more interesting and fulfilling to play an additional melody line along to an already existing song. And, as the flip switched, I also started writing a song of my own. You will most likely hear it at some point, but not on this blog.
However, you’ll hear from us in the near future 🙂

This actually changes the purpose of this blog. Keep it? Don’t keep it? Well, I’ll definitely keep it, I’ll just change the overall topic. From a mostly music related blog to one that’s centred more around the other crazy artsy stuff that I do.
What that is? For one, I love painting with watercolours. It’s something that I want to pursue more. Aside from this I’m discovering my feminine side. Yes I’ve been born as a girl but I’ve been suppressing my feminine side since I was little. It didn’t help that society suggested that, as a girl/woman, you had to apply make up and, in the environment I was brought up in, I was under the impression that, because I was born a girl, I had to know how to apply make up without being told. That’s one of the reasons why I never really used it and why I never truly felt like I was ‘one of the girls’. I recently realised that instead, I tried to be one of the guys. Which, of course, didn’t really work out either and I only ended up hurting myself for such a long time.
To cut the long story short I’ve started using make up recently. Well lip stick and some eyeliner and eye shadow first. I still got to get used to the idea to have some substance on my skin (one of the reasons why I don’t find it that easy to apply sun lotion on hot, sunny days). And, I can feel I’m drawn to wanting to make my own beauty products. I’ve already started with making my own body oil, scar tissue oil, toothpaste, shampoo, washing detergent, dishwashing liquid … and home made chocolate 🙂
Another thing I feel drawn to is making my own clothing. Currently I’m working on a T-shirt (in the middle of autumn haha). I paint the front with a dragon. I’ll show you once it’s done 😉

One thing I wasn’t too sure about was my ebook called “Silence”. Did I really want to republish it under the shortened version of my true name, which you can read in the header, or did I want to drop it and just forget about it? To be honest I was in favour of dropping it for quite a while but I’ve changed my mind. I still want to republish it. The cover is almost done. I will upload it this week. The aggregator I work with usually needs 2 to 4 weeks to make the ebook available everywhere; Amazon, Kobo, Apple, Google, you name it. Once I know when it’s available everywhere I’ll let you know and treat you with a cover reveal along the way 😉

Another thing I had to come to terms with is my double bass. Yes I love my instrument dearly, however I’ve reached a point where, in order to really progress as an instrumentalist, I need a better bass. This is a truth I didn’t want to see for a long while. I know this since April, but somehow I’ve always tried to find reasons why I could keep on playing this particular double bass. I got to disattach from my current instrument, and also from any attachments to money, because an intermediate instrument costs somewhere between €7,500 and €10,000 (yes I live on the continent; it’s somewhere between £5,000 to £8,000 or $9,000 to $15,000 respectively). If you think that’s much, please keep in mind that an adult-sized instrument is about 2 metres tall.
Which means that I got to save up some money before I can start playing double bass again.

If you’d like to help me get my new double bass sooner, you can do this here.